Difficult Conversations about COVID Safety
Family gatherings? Bat Mitzvahs? Weddings? Funerals? Indoor meals? Sports? Workplace distancing? In-school or home-school? I don’t know about you but these days I feel like I’m walking across a minefield. The bombs are my everyday decisions that never feel quite right. My feelings range from anxious to vulnerable to embarrassed depending on the situation. What I’ve come to know about COVID is that a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work because we are human with different experiences and life circumstances.
While our medical experts and political leaders offer some cut and dry regulations (for example, masks are mandatory indoors), much of the other information has come in the form of guidelines. Within those guidelines there is a lot of grey. And with good reason. What makes sense for one individual, family, team or workplace may not for another.
So where does that leave us? Having to navigate some really tough conversations that are often outside of our comfort zone. Here are a few tips to help.
1. Avoid blame and shame. It’s easy to make assumptions about why people make certain choices and then follow up by blaming others and shaming through gossip or speculation. This doesn’t help and further divides us at a time when we need to be paying careful attention to protecting relationships. There are unprecedented levels of anxiety in our society right now. It is not the time to judge whether or not one person’s anxiety has merit or if their situation is easier or harder than your own.
What could she say?
For example:
What could she say? “How many times have I told you…? You’re ruining it for everyone…?
What’s a better option? How about “You’re wearing your masks like a chin sling. I’m trying to follow the COVID guidelines we can keep meeting. Are you game to mask up properly while we’re inside?
2. Use “I” statements to talk about your own situation and how it impacts your decision making. "I" statements express thoughts, feelings, and ideas from a personal point of view. "You" statements focus on the person you are speaking to rather than the problem at hand.
For example: “I’m feeling super anxious about COVID right now. I’ve decided to limit my socializing for the next while. Thanks so much for your invitation. I can’t wait to get together in a couple of months!”
3. Use the Tricky Conversation Script to start the discussion off on the right foot. Be sure to practice it ahead of time so that you feel confident. It provides an opportunity to say what’s on your mind in a way that the other person can hear without making them feel defensive.
For example: “I noticed you haven’t been coming to our team practices. I’m worried I’ve missed something. I’d like to understand why you haven’t been around. Can we have a chat about what’s going on?”
4. Listen to understand. Sometimes our minds wander when we are listening, making it hard to really appreciate what’s going on for the other person. Stay engaged using active listening and show the other person that you’ve heard by paraphrasing, clarifying and asking great questions.
For example: “Help me to understand…what’s been going on for you and your family?” or “You seem uncomfortable with my invitation - what’s on your mind?” or “Thanks for your dinner invitation! What will that will look like?”
5. Demonstrate Empathy. This is the ability to connect with another person’s feelings even if you haven’t had the same experience. This can be shown by being in the moment. Pay attention to our tendency to revert to one-upmanship or saying that you’ve suffered too. Above all else, watch out for trying to fix things or offer unwanted advice. This can leave feelings of resentment.
For example: Your colleague is worried about an elderly mother and doesn’t want to come in person to team meetings. You don’t understand why it’s an issue as they don’t live with their mother. Showing empathy is expressing an understanding of their feeling of worry and asking what they would like to see happen. Empathetic comments might be: “That’s tough. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Can I help?”
I’d love to hear how you’ve been doing and have been navigating some of these challenging situations. Please share and comment below or give me a call!
Stay well.
Nadia
